deLintiad :: Laughter in the Leaves :: Mid-life crisis for women

::"I've heard their voices, secret and shy, join with my harping, and sometimes catch them dancing in the corner of my eye" - Charles de Lint 1985::

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Mid-life crisis for women

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Head Administrator

Registered: 03-2006
Location: Perth, Australia
Posts: 2239
Karma: 21 (+21/-0)

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Mid-life crisis for women

Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.

Mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans ...we are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life has hit you when you stand naked in front of a mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.

You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in film.

You know you've crossed the mid-life threshold when you're in the grocery store and you hear a Muzak version of "Stairway to Heaven" in the produce department.

Mid-life is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. (It's more like Splat!)

Mid-life brings the wisdom that life throws you curves... and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.

It's very hard to "get jiggy with it" in mid-life...jiggly, yes; jiggy, no.

Mid-life is when your 1970s Body-by-Jake now includes Legs-by-Rand McNally. (more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of the state of Wisconsin).

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things will too!

Mid-life can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, "For this I have stretch marks?

Mid-life is when your memory really starts to go. The only thing you still retain is water.

You become more reflective in mid-life. You start pondering the "big" questions-- what is life, why am I here...how much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

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5/Mar/2006, 7:37 am